Tuesday, October 01, 2002

What is it like to date online?

I don't get asked this question and I wish I was. Rather than ask this, people assume that it's not real. Is it even dating at all? Guess that depends on your idea of what a date is.

For Melly and I online dating is a necessity. For reasons I will not get into (though she may wish to do so on her blog), we cannot be together right now, not physically anyway. However when our schedules match up we have dates. Sometimes every evening for a week. Other times weekends, during the day. Sometimes it's just a couple hours here and there, but we value our time together.

Do we talk all the time? Yes most of the time that is what we do. Sometimes it serious, sometimes its goofie and fun. We talk about ourselves, our dreams. We argue and fight. We laugh and joke. We flirt and blush. Some nights we talk about theology and mythology. Other nights we may barely talk at all.

It's not all typing IM's and email. We often voice-chat, using the Internet and microphones to talk and other times we call each other on the phone and run up our long distance bills. Just depends on the mood and situations.

I'm asked sometimes how I can love someone I've never met. Some have even said flat out that you can't. But I ask, how does anyone know they are in love? Those who have felt it know that it's just something you know. You can't explain it.

Is it hard having an online relationship? You bet it is! But I know Melly is my soul-mate, no matter what anyone else says. Because of that I am willing to be patient. I've been patient for over three year, nearing four, if I've made it this long I can make it until the end. The end of our online relationship and the beginning of the rest of our lives together.

There have been times when my patients wore very thin. Not with her, but the situation. I lived with my ex-gf for 2 ½ years. You get used to certain feelings, physically and emotionally. Melly has filled my emotional needs and has expanded and matured them. But the physical aspects have to wait. I can wait, but I'm a man and those “needs” get pretty strong sometimes. But then I look and think about what I'd be giving up. Give up the woman of my life, the woman who has made me a whole man, just for a quick screw? No I won't do that. And I'm not the type to go do it behind her back. God my guilt would kill me. Some guys who read this might consider me a wuss or worse, but I don't have time for that. I know who I want in my arms and if I can't have her, then I'll just have to settle for nothing. Reminds me of a Nirvana lyric, “I'm so horny, but that's ok my will is good.”

We have a lot of fun together online too. We go shopping together, visit websites on various topics, look at art and one of our favorite things, playing online games together. I don't mean Hearts or Yahtzee, though we used to do that too. I'm talking more about Unreal Tournament, Quake 3, Diablo 2 and recently Never Winter Nights.

Unreal and Quake are first person shooters, or run around and kill people games. We usually play on the same team and beat up the computer “bots” (robots). Occasionally though I'll get in trouble with Melly and she'll choose to play against me. I don't care much for playing like this because even though these are digital characters, I don't like attacking her. I usually stand there like a sitting duck. If we are just playing for fun and no one is mad we might play against each other just for the heck of it, but again I don't like playing like this for too long. I'm better than her, for better or worse and it makes things a bit lopsided. I don't want her mad at me for beating her up!

Diablo 2 and Never Winter Nights are role playing games where we have our own little characters and we work together to beat the crap out of monsters and demons. We played Diablo 2 together for at least a year and a half! We have beaten it a couple times now, so we switched to a newer game, Never Winter Nights (NWN). It's similar, but not quite the same. Frankly it's not as much fun, but it's still fun to play and work together. That's what is important. That is why we picked the game to start with. If I remember correctly we both bought it at the same time, but we didn't coordinate the purchase. It was just coincidence, FATE stepping in again for us. Pretty cool.

What is really funny is that we probably won't stop playing games together even when we are together. We are both computer geeks and we are not outwardly social.

That is why I think I've been able to be as patient with things as I have been. I'm not a very social person. I don't mind parties and going out, but it's not “me” so I don't do it often. I prefer smaller intimate groups. I'm the type who prefers a small number of close friends, rather than a bunch of shallow ones. I know I know, there are gray areas.

Anyway, i don't mind staying in and playing all day or night on the computer with Melly. If I did then things probably wouldn't be where they are between us. But then again I wouldn't be the same person I am either.

My Dad still thinks I need to be more social, but why I ask? It's not like I'm unhappy here at home. Sure there are days I'm bored and moapy. It's not because I don't have friends, it's because I can't be with Melly doing stuff. It's hard to get excited about doing something when you want to do that with the love of your life and she can't be there. But I'm happy with my social life. I kinda prefer it mellow like it is. Hell it's a lot cheaper this way! LOL

So there, in a nutshell, is Melly and I's dating. I am happy. She is happy. We DO love each other and we DO make things work. Patients and hard work do pay off. We are going to live happily ever after and I can't wait to thumb my nose at the neigh sayers.

Here is a picture from Never Winter Nights when Melly and I played this past weekend. She is the tall Spartin looking woman. I'm the little dwarf. (I'm 6 foot tall in real life)

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