Wednesday, November 27, 2002


Here is an Apple-Cranberry pie I made tonight. It turned out much better than I was expecting. I've not made many pies and I kinda expected it to burn, but it didn't!

I also made a smaller strawberry pie, but it is a mess, so I'm not sharing that photo. LOL It'll still taste good, but it's not going to win any awards for appearance!

I also made a cranberry dipping sauce. The recipe came from FoodTV. Unfortunatly the recipe is huge! I have WAY more than I need. I think I'm going to freeze some. It'll be good on other food, (chicken or pork), but I may save some for Christmas.

Have a fun, safe and tasty Thanksgiving!

Holiday Fun

Monday I sent an email though our company to have them submit to me video for our Christmas party. Last year we had a few people do video and most gave me still photos, which I turned into a video slide show that we presented at last years party.

We also had one person do a skit. She did a spoof of a local pool and spa commercial. It was great!

There were two problems that plauged me last year. One, I had never done any video editing before, so I had to learn QUICKLY. Two, the video capture device I had was CRAP. The results were decent editing, I learn fast, with grainy digitized video with the sound off sync.

Well this year I have more time and better tools. Hopefully I can produce something I can be more proud of this year. The company was pretty impressed at what I had done. Actually I was too. I learned it and compiled it all in one week. Anyone who has done any digital video editing knows that is quite an accomplishment for a newbie. Ok Ok, i'm tooting my own horn there.

In any case I hope to have some really good stuff this year. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

Monday, November 25, 2002

Where'd he go?

SpongeBob isn't on tonight!! Some stupid Cosby cartoon is on instead! Who could they! I think I'll go curl up in a ball and cry now.

ok so I wont, but still...damn! They already killed two of my all time favorite cartoons, Ren & Stimpy and Invader Zim. I hope they just moved "The Spongy One".

Saturday, November 23, 2002

I was lost, now I am found

Thanks to Joanie I have found my church, The Church of SpongeBob Squarepants!

Finally, I can feel whole. Every week night at 7pm I attend and watch the sermon. I even sing along with the choir. When the Captain sings, “Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?” I know the answer is, SpongeBob Squarepants!


Tuesday, November 19, 2002

Oh Crap!

Dont you hate it when you forget to eat?!

Update to below

I wrote the following last night, but decided to let Melly read it first and approve it for posting as its rather personal. She said it was ok, so here you go.

I am feeling more confident and better about the situation today too. :)

A Rock?

What does it take to be a rock? I've been asking myself that all day. I want to be a rock. Solid. Reliable. Comforting. Safe. Not a rock like a stone, cold and ungiving, but like a loving hug.

Sounds simple but how does one DO it? In the past I pushed my own feelings and wants aside to do it, but that only works for detachment. I don't want to be detached. I want my feelings and needs and desires to be a part of this as much as they are a part of me. I was previously unfair to myself. I cannot do that now. But how do I balance them? The feelings of the other with your own feelings? Its truly a scary and daunting situation. I so very much want to do it.

My confidence is wavering. I'm always the optimist, but if I fail I could lose my true love, my soul mate. That's a pressure I've never run into before. It's like someone handed you a unicycle and said, if you don't ride this across this street covered with oily spots, that innocent person over there will be killed. You say to yourself, “I have to do this!” But you are also saying, “I've never ridden a unicycle before in my life!”

And worse, you don't know the rules. They didn't say you couldn't fall off. They didn't give you a time limit either. So you have to assume the worse case. You have no choice. There is no one to ask. No one to tell you the rules. You can try to get advice from those around you, but they might be wrong. And even then you cannot blame their advice. It's all on you, like it or not.

Yes I could walk away and just say, “sorry”. I could leave it all. Would my conscious let me live with that? I doubt it. I can't just walk away. I won't walk away. Loosing the life of an innocent or losing my soul mate, it makes no difference. I cannot walk away from my responsibilities, regardless of how difficult they may be.

I have committed myself, promised my love. That is not something you walk away from. I've not walked away, but I have turned my back a few too many times. Every time I do its like a punch in the stomach of my soul mate, Melly.

Yes, I'm torn. My heart and my head are both arguing. My heart cries every time I hurt her. I wonder if she'd be better off without me. I also know I couldn't live without her. I couldn't end my life to escape. No, I'd not let myself off the hook that easily. I'd suffer in my own head and heart.

My head fights too. It asks me, “Do we keep trying? When is it too much?” My answers are always, “Yes” and “I don't know, but hold on a little more.” So that's just what I do. I hold on. Some people call me foolish, crazy, wonder if I'm right in the head or not. So be it. When you find the one you know is your soul mate you will hold onto that with all your heart. You will put everything on the line for them.

So if I'm crazy, so be it.

Monday, November 18, 2002

Pictures from NYC

Here ya go!

a bit better

I'm a bit less stressed out now, but I'm still not 100%. I'm actually feeling a bit barfy. Nice image eh? I dont even feel like laying down. I just want to feel better.

A lot going on

I'm back safe and sound.

I have pictures.

I'm over whelmed with a variety of things.

I'd like to escape. "Calgon take me away!"

One thing at a time.

I have to narrow down this list of things to do.

I need to relax and breath.

I'll write more later.

Sunday, November 10, 2002

Out of Town

Yes i know I've been bad about posting lately. Sorry about that. I've been very busy and had personal issues that were more important that playing with my website.

I'm going to be a disappointment yet again because tomorrow at noon i'm heading for the Big Apple for some training, on a software package. It's a four day class and I'll be spongeing up all I can. I may post in the evening if I have time. I'm not making any promises though.

Since flying me back Sunday costed the company the same as flying me back Friday night, I elected to spend the weekend up there with my brother. He lives in the city. He's lived there about 5 years, perhaps 6 now and I've never been up there to see him. We've gotten together for family trips and what have you, but I've not seen his place. This will be fun. I imagine he'll enjoy showing off his pad and town. He's 24 so I'm sure he's proud of what he's accomplished. I can't say I blame him. That's not an easy city to win and he did. Considering we both grew up in Nebraska and a very rural part of northern California, we both do very well in the city. My sis is very much a country girl. Go figure.

So we'll hit the town and stuff. I'll take my camera and get some pictures. I've flown into NYC before and drove through it to get to other locations, but never actually spent any time in the city itself. This should be a lot of fun, especially since I'll have two excellent guides. Not only my brother, but his girlfriend who grew up in the city.

Well I better go pack.

Saturday, November 09, 2002

Growing Pains

They aren't just for teenagers. I've been experiencing them myself lately. This time rather than being physical and emotional, they are just emotional.

But unfortunately, just as it was during those teen years, my brain has a hard time making good sense of the new pieces.

Also, just like a teen, that's no excuse for my poor judgment.

I've grown some big “muscles” lately and boy have I been trying them out, unfortunately, also accompanying those muscles are big feet and hands tripping me up and making me a clutz.

What's worse is trying to figure out what made me do those moronic things. Pride? Ego? Ignorance? All of the above?

Bottom line those things are all a part of me. We all have those not so great qualities, but the trick is to hold the bad ones in check with good judgment, respect and compassion. All things I've been neglecting. My idiocy has been running unchecked.

It's not like I've been running around being evil but I have caused a lot of damage lately. Damage that hurt others. Namely Melly. That damage hurts me too. I don't like hurting people, especially those whom I love very deeply.

When I hurt others I feel so tremendously guilty. Makes me want to go hide in a hole. Protect the world from me. I know I'm very hard on myself. I'm a perfectionist.

Melly said something extremely important to me yesterday. She said I always have to be right. When I'm wrong its a major blow to the core of me. The Army says, “Be all that you can be.” I want to be more. The problem is I hurt others in my pursuit of that goal.

If I'm wrong I'll drive the conversation so that it minimizes my wrongness. I'm a master of excuses. I can weave an excuse into an elaborate scenario until it no longer looks like an excuse anymore.

Am I proud of this? No I'm not. I really didn't even realize I have been doing it. But I'm constantly looking for a way out of being wrong. Or if I can't I try to bring those around me to the same level so then I can say, “it's not just me.”

I have a lot of work to do. This isn't going to be easy. How do I “fix” myself so I'm not striving to always be right? I think the key lays in not making excuses for myself. There is nothing wrong with being wrong as long as you are compelled to make amends and repair the damage done. Making excuses does not do this.

Working to make yourself a better person is a noble goal. But you have to really DO it, not weave elaborate excuses that do nothing but make things worse.

Friday, November 01, 2002

You're Probably Infected By A Virus If...

The symptoms in the bulleted list below are rarely caused by anything except a virus, so if you detect any of these issues on an end user's PC, you should feel confident in suspecting virus infection.

  • The user received an e-mail with an odd attachment and opened it with unexpected results, such as the appearance of odd dialog boxes or a sudden degradation in system performance.
  • There is a double extension on an attachment that the user recently opened, such as .jpg.vbs.
  • An antivirus program is disabled for no apparent reason (perhaps with an X through its icon in the notification area), and it cannot be enabled. The system may also report an error condition.
  • An antivirus program will not install on the PC (or appears to install, but then will not run), but other programs will.
  • Odd dialog boxes or messages appear onscreen.
  • Several files are missing, especially those of a common type. For example, some viruses have a side effect of deleting all graphic files of a particular type.
  • Someone tells the user they have recently received strange e-mails from them containing random attached files or a virus.
  • The PC starts performing actions seemingly on its own, like moving the mouse pointer, opening or closing windows, running programs, or opening and closing the CD tray. This is a symptom of someone actually using a back door to operate the PC, rather than a symptom of the existence of the back door.
  • You notice the presence of new users with full security permissions that you know you did not create, or you notice inappropriate permissions assigned to existing users. Again, this is more often a symptom of back door hacking than virus infection.
  • The mouse pointer changes to some different graphic.
  • Odd icons appear on the desktop that the user did not place there, although the user has not installed any new applications lately that could have placed them there.
  • Strange sounds or music plays from the speakers for no apparent reason.
  • File sizes or date/time stamps have changed on files that the user knows he or she did not alter.
  • A program that was used successfully recently has disappeared, and the user knows that he or she did not uninstall it.

Thanks to Melly for this list. Kisses love!


My boss had his annual haunted house again this year. When I started helping out a few years ago it was pretty wild. It seems to be dropping off, but we still have fun anyway.

We aren't gory or anything like that. We get a lot of kids who come through, so often the masks are enough to creep them out.

I hid in a cave for a bit. It was pitch dark. They'd reluctantly enter talking about how they couldn't see anything and then BAM! I'd turn on the strobe light. Sometimes I'd becon them forward, "Come! Come into my cave! I won't bite!" Then as they turned the corer (our cave was a U shape) my buddy would jump out in his skeleton outfit and yell, "But I will!" (bite that is)

I got tired of hanging out in the dark after a bit (plus my mask is hot!) so I took it off, but left on my cloak (which I made myself BTW) and led the poor unfortunate souls through the Den of DOOM! Muahahaha!

It was fun. Hope you enjoy the pictures I took.